worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize