Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
