so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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