Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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