Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
