The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
