The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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