she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
