with your own penis?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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