I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
