my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
