a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
