I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
