apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
