My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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