I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
