i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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