Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
