He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
