This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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