My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
