i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm too high and old for this...
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