you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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