and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Acid is not a monday night drug
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
