I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
