if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
