dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We are all done wearing pants today
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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