so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
