Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
