Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
