Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
