She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
