can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
