True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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