Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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