So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
