the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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