Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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