if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize