would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
