Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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