sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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