apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
