take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why are your pants in the freezer?