I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.