so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?