how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass