so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have feelings that need drinking.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.