i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
