I love black thongs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
