I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My bed smells like the plague
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
