I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
