she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
