Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
