Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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