and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
