Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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