Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it because I queefed?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
BRING THE BAGELS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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