He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
