my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
love makes seman taste better
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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