Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
