I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
