I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
