Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
