I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
